On a snowy November day, my daughter Kit and I were dividing tree ornaments into four boxes, each claiming their share. Kit, now living independently, wanted to adorn her own Christmas tree. However, for me, unpacking the decorations brought forth memories of loss and grief accumulated over the years for children who were no longer part of our holiday celebrations.
Over the span of eight years, our family fluctuated with the presence of 23 foster children. While most stays were temporary, our two children became permanent through adoption during our fostering journey. To my surprise, Kit remembered the stories behind each handcrafted ornament, even those made by individuals she had never met. It amazed me to realize that her recollections of holiday moments differed significantly from mine.
As I unveiled a box, a tree topper caught my eye – a gift my husband and I received during our initial Christmas together as newlyweds. Tracing the crack on the iridescent angel, held together by Krazy Glue, stirred memories of a marriage that could not withstand the test of time. Passing the angel to Kit, I pondered if she would cherish it despite its fragile state. Her eyes sparkled beneath her festive reindeer hat as she eagerly accepted the angel, reminiscing about her childhood desire to be the one to crown the tree with it.
Within another tin lay a Santa sleigh and reindeer ensemble, crafted by an eight-year-old boy we once fostered. Constructed from foam blocks and pipe cleaners at a community Christmas party, the ornament invoked mixed emotions of lingering grief and frustration. Despite efforts to make him a permanent ward, circumstances led to a heartbreaking separation. Kit, noticing my somber mood, gently took the ornament and shared fond memories of how the ornament always found its place at the bottom of the tree for her playtime.
Learning to create inclusive Christmas experiences for the foster children entrusted to us was a priority for my former husband, our parents, and me. Our family Christmas dinner was intentionally scheduled on alternative days, allowing the children to spend the core festive days with their families. A tradition of gifting unique ornaments to each child, to keep as a memento upon leaving our care permanently, was established. This gesture ensured that memories of our time together remained alive in their hearts, just like the Santa and reindeer ornament crafted by our eight-year-old foster son.
Unveiling a reindeer ornament adorned with pompoms, ribbon, googly eyes, and pipe cleaner antlers, I recalled my son’s playful moniker for the matching set – “Big Balls!” Reflecting on past experiences of dividing ornaments during a prior separation, I realized how such moments had impacted my children, offering them a sense of stability through familiar decorations.
Kit’s profound reflection on the enduring presence of Rudolph the pompom reindeer in our Christmas traditions struck a chord within me. Her understanding and appreciation for the continuity of such symbols, regardless of changing circumstances, illuminated the valuable lessons she had gleaned from our family’s journey.
This year’s tree decorating holds a promise of renewed joy for me, as I anticipate witnessing my daughter’s vibrant narrative overshadow any lingering melancholy associated with our cherished ornaments. A fresh perspective awaits as we embark on this festive tradition together.